Supergrass

It's not every day you get a letter from the Home Office is it! (unless your an illegal immigrant, in which case you probably get cinema tickets, luncheon vouchers, job offers & British passports sent on a daily basis from them). Today though we receive a letter & enclosed is a gift, 6 first class stamps and I'm not even claiming political asylum from The People's Republic of Yorkshire!

Turns out it's payment (read bribe) in advance for a crime survey, they want us the Great British public to tell them about all the unreported crime & give our opinions on the performance of the police! I could start with employing people below the minimum wage (6 stamps = 60 minute survey, I think not).

Instead I consider grassing the missus up but can't think of anything I could make stick and I'm certainly not admitting to anything, not that there is anything you understand. That incident with the vicar & 2kg's of tomatoes was all just a misunderstanding and anyway has all been cleared up now!

So how to earn our stamps? I haven't seen a Rozzer in our little town for years so assessing their performance is out. The local drug lord is called Alf and he dispenses antibiotics at the village chemist. There is always the little old lady at number 57, I never did like her too much! Far too many visitors for my liking, obviously a 'lady of the night' (or maybe her bingo friends round for a cuppa) either way I've gotta give the Home Office interrogation squad something!

So for the price of 6 first class stamps I've turned supergrass, I'm going to ask for a new identity, a new life. The witness protection program can whisk me off somewhere nice, I wonder what the weather is like in Cornwall? Blogging may be an issue though so I'll send postcards, six of 'em!